The Beauty and Beast of a Schedule

One of the biggest consternations for new parents is the need for a schedule.  Parents are told over and over that their child will be so much happier, sleep better, and get into an ivy league school if kept on a schedule. 

Let me burst your bubble or maybe ease your fears.  Some of the most ill-adapted children and stressed-out parents I see are those who keep their children on strict schedules.  

Why does my opinion count?  It doesn’t really.  But,  I have worked in child care {or as the industry likes to call it Early Childhood Education (ECE)} as a 1 year old teacher, an infant teacher, a director, and currently I do public relations for a center.  All of this was after spending over a decade in the public relations and marketing field.  I have seen it all in my time, which I hope to share some of this with you through the course of this blog.

So am I “anti-scheduler”?  Not exactly.  Consistency is important to children.  It provides a sense of security because the child knows what is coming next.  When reviewing my classrooms, I can always tell if the teachers are keeping to a schedule because at the start of the Clean-Up Song, even 1 year old children will begin to clean up their toys.  Through consistency, they have learned that song means it’s time to clean up.  Well scheduled classrooms run smoother, have fewer behavior issues, and have happier children.

But scheduling, IMO, is completely different.  Scheduling is this idea that life can be predicted and kept on the same exact schedule every day.  Scheduling is a strict bedtime routine that starts at 7 pm sharp every night and ends with little Billy asleep in his crib at 8 pm come hell or high water.  

Billy might be a great sleeper but at what cost?  A lot of these parents are also complaining to me that they do not get a date night because they keep to the routine.  Or these children don’t spend the night at a grandparent’s house.  Or if they do, they child is so accustom to their routine or bed that they can’t sleep in other places.  I know someone whose child had shots and didn’t feel well, so it fell asleep earlier than the schedule.  The parent was pissed at the sitter for letting the baby go to sleep early.

I see these parents stress themselves out because their entire day, week, life is based on keeping to this routine.  And while Billy is a great sleeper, what impact does that have on him when life gets in the way and he can’t nap at exactly 12 noon because an appointment takes longer than you thought?  Billy absolutely loses his  mind in the middle of a restaurant and can’t be consoled.  We place so much emphasis and pride on a baby sleeping through the night early but why?  And at what cost?

My friend was like this with her first child.  She was in her late twenties and stayed at home after a brief return to work after her baby was born.  She told me that she would decline invitations to go out because of the need to keep on schedule  She said she started to unintentionally isolate herself  and her husband because of the schedule.  She told me how much she regretted all the “no’s” she had said for all those years. She had her second child in her later 30s.  Needless to say, the second child was kept consistent but not scheduled.  Both children are alive, well, and have bright ivy league futures.

My husband has most always worked nights.  When it was just me and my daughter, I kept her consistent but not strictly scheduled.  There were nights I would let her stay up because daddy would be home early.  There were nights she did’t feel good and she went to sleep early.  She wasn’t a great sleeper until she was 1 but then the light switch went off and she was great even if the schedule varied!  We could go out to eat, have date nights, and even leave her over night.

When my son came along, all bets were off.  We sold a house, moved into a camper for a few months, moved into a house, and had the house painted (which took almost 2 months and kept the kids out of their rooms for weeks).  By this time, they were used to being in my room and bed.  I also thought the house was haunted (I’ll leave that for another post).  They didn’t want to sleep in their rooms and I don’t blame them.

Fast forward 3 years and we are in a different house.  My kids are a bit older but we keep to a consistent schedule.  They share a room, which is their preference.  Bedtime is supposed to by 8 pm but might vary based on what time we get home.  My son gets up most nights to go pee but he goes back to his bed.  Whatever damage was done when he was little has been healed.

Don’t stress yourself out if you don’t keep an exact schedule or your child doesn’t sleep till 1 year old.  Maybe my kids will go to an ivy league school or maybe a trade school is their calling.  Either way, I don’t think it will be due to their nighttime schedule.  As long as they are happy and well adjusted, I’ll be proud.